Everything's Better With Dad
It is rare that my kids will show me just exactly how much they miss their dad. I know that they do. But maybe I have inadvertently taught them to just tough it out.
I have been shown overwhelming support during this deployment. There have been times during past deployments where I have felt like people thought it was good and noteworthy to help the lonely military spouse when Derick first left. But as time wore on, we were forgotten. And the struggles of doing life and taking care of kids became, glaringly, mine and mine alone.
This time has been different. This time as soon as that feeling of doing life alone creeps in, someone steps in and says they want to help. My church set up a meal train for Monday nights for me and my kids. Monday's are busy and its a struggle to get dinner on the table before 8:30. This past Wednesday night, a friend dropped off a gift card for us to use for dinner on a Monday night.
Honestly, sometimes every night of the week is a struggle to feed my family. So, Wednesday night, when Aida and I were finishing some shopping for Easter weekend, I realized that we needed dinner. We went through the drive through at Culver's for the kids. Our go-to restaurant.
Last week I was really short with my kids. I was easily angered and easily brought to tears. I was getting ready to go to Virginia to do hair and makeup for a wedding. My best friend's daughter got married. It was stressful to prepare for so many reasons. Not the least of which being that I would completely miss Easter with my kids. And the idea of going without my husband was enough to push me over the edge at any given moment.
I stressed about doing laundry to make sure I had the clothes that I needed for the weekend. I stressed about getting all of my hair and makeup supplies to the wedding venue in Virginia without having to pay way to much money to check a bag at the airport. I stressed about boarding my dogs and finding places for my kids to stay. And I stressed about forgetting things like toothpaste and deodorant.
And all the stresses came out at my kids. Not towards my kids... straight at my kids. I was the mean mom last week. More than once I had to ask myself, "What is wrong with me??"
So in the drive-thru at Culver's I apologized to Aida. I apologized for being short. I apologized for being stressed. And I apologized for taking my frustrations out on her and her brothers. I said I just miss Dad and I really wish he could come with me on my trip.
Her response was shocking to me. I guess I should have expected it, but my kids are very guarded when it comes to missing Derick.
She started to cry. Big tears rolled down her cheeks. And she said, "Yeah... literally everything would be better if Dad were here." I think she was embarrassed that she cried in front of me.
I cried too. I couldn't help it. The tears just came.
I made some lame comment about how Derick's job overseas is important and we need to support him. Maybe I should have just let her cry and be sad.
She and I don't always see eye to eye. So it was sweet to have a private moment that we could share like that.
I can tell that my kids miss Derick. But they don't talk about it.
With anyone.
I think they are feeling his absence more now because baseball season is fast approaching. That's what they share with their Dad. He was at every game, in the dugout, cheering, coaching, helping in every way that he can.
So far the kids have tried to protect me. Warned me, even, that I am going to spend every Saturday this summer, watching baseball. All. Day. Long.
To which I replied, "I know, guys. That's why I stopped teaching. So that I could be available to drive you to every game and watch baseball. Every Saturday. All. Day. Long."
But I can see it.
With the deep sighs and avoiding eye contact.
I can see it, when Christian withdraws from the crowds. I can see it when Brody saunters into school in the morning. Shoulders slumped, staring at the ground. I can see it in Allyn's short fuse playing games with his cousins and brothers.
And of course I can see it in Daddy's little girl. The one that has him wrapped around her little finger.
And I can certainly see it in all of them when they ask for a special treat, knowing that if it were Dad that they were asking, the answer would most certainly be a resounding "Yes!"
I pray Psalm 34:18 over them. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Do you know what it feels like to miss someone so much it hurts? To feel the absence in your gut. To see a fog settle over your mind when you aren't used to making certain decisions alone. A fatigue so acute that one more step, one more chore seems utterly impossible.
I know this situation is temporary. We are over the hump, past the halfway point. He will be home soon. Time will fly this summer and then he'll be here and another deployment will be in the books.
But as I pray for the Lord to be near my kids, near the brokenhearted, I pray that he would be near to me too!
Here are some pictures of the weekend.
This is the wedding venue. House Mountain Inn. Derick and I fully intent to go back for a relaxing time away after his return.
I have been shown overwhelming support during this deployment. There have been times during past deployments where I have felt like people thought it was good and noteworthy to help the lonely military spouse when Derick first left. But as time wore on, we were forgotten. And the struggles of doing life and taking care of kids became, glaringly, mine and mine alone.
This time has been different. This time as soon as that feeling of doing life alone creeps in, someone steps in and says they want to help. My church set up a meal train for Monday nights for me and my kids. Monday's are busy and its a struggle to get dinner on the table before 8:30. This past Wednesday night, a friend dropped off a gift card for us to use for dinner on a Monday night.
Honestly, sometimes every night of the week is a struggle to feed my family. So, Wednesday night, when Aida and I were finishing some shopping for Easter weekend, I realized that we needed dinner. We went through the drive through at Culver's for the kids. Our go-to restaurant.
Last week I was really short with my kids. I was easily angered and easily brought to tears. I was getting ready to go to Virginia to do hair and makeup for a wedding. My best friend's daughter got married. It was stressful to prepare for so many reasons. Not the least of which being that I would completely miss Easter with my kids. And the idea of going without my husband was enough to push me over the edge at any given moment.
I stressed about doing laundry to make sure I had the clothes that I needed for the weekend. I stressed about getting all of my hair and makeup supplies to the wedding venue in Virginia without having to pay way to much money to check a bag at the airport. I stressed about boarding my dogs and finding places for my kids to stay. And I stressed about forgetting things like toothpaste and deodorant.
And all the stresses came out at my kids. Not towards my kids... straight at my kids. I was the mean mom last week. More than once I had to ask myself, "What is wrong with me??"
So in the drive-thru at Culver's I apologized to Aida. I apologized for being short. I apologized for being stressed. And I apologized for taking my frustrations out on her and her brothers. I said I just miss Dad and I really wish he could come with me on my trip.
Her response was shocking to me. I guess I should have expected it, but my kids are very guarded when it comes to missing Derick.
She started to cry. Big tears rolled down her cheeks. And she said, "Yeah... literally everything would be better if Dad were here." I think she was embarrassed that she cried in front of me.
I cried too. I couldn't help it. The tears just came.
I made some lame comment about how Derick's job overseas is important and we need to support him. Maybe I should have just let her cry and be sad.
She and I don't always see eye to eye. So it was sweet to have a private moment that we could share like that.
I can tell that my kids miss Derick. But they don't talk about it.
With anyone.
I think they are feeling his absence more now because baseball season is fast approaching. That's what they share with their Dad. He was at every game, in the dugout, cheering, coaching, helping in every way that he can.
So far the kids have tried to protect me. Warned me, even, that I am going to spend every Saturday this summer, watching baseball. All. Day. Long.
To which I replied, "I know, guys. That's why I stopped teaching. So that I could be available to drive you to every game and watch baseball. Every Saturday. All. Day. Long."
But I can see it.
With the deep sighs and avoiding eye contact.
I can see it, when Christian withdraws from the crowds. I can see it when Brody saunters into school in the morning. Shoulders slumped, staring at the ground. I can see it in Allyn's short fuse playing games with his cousins and brothers.
And of course I can see it in Daddy's little girl. The one that has him wrapped around her little finger.
And I can certainly see it in all of them when they ask for a special treat, knowing that if it were Dad that they were asking, the answer would most certainly be a resounding "Yes!"
I pray Psalm 34:18 over them. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Do you know what it feels like to miss someone so much it hurts? To feel the absence in your gut. To see a fog settle over your mind when you aren't used to making certain decisions alone. A fatigue so acute that one more step, one more chore seems utterly impossible.
I know this situation is temporary. We are over the hump, past the halfway point. He will be home soon. Time will fly this summer and then he'll be here and another deployment will be in the books.
But as I pray for the Lord to be near my kids, near the brokenhearted, I pray that he would be near to me too!
Here are some pictures of the weekend.
This is the wedding venue. House Mountain Inn. Derick and I fully intent to go back for a relaxing time away after his return.
This is the stunning bridal party that I did hair and makeup for. I was there on the bride's invitation and it was probably one of the funnest, easiest, most relaxed bridal party's that I've ever done!
Derick, you really missed out!
Or so I've been told...
A hike through Natural Bridge State Park before heading home on Easter Sunday! Notice the "natural bridge" in the background.
Easter breakfast for my kids and my parent's while I was away having a good time.
And of course the special treat that my little boys talked me into since I missed spending Easter with them. I'm such a push-over. Aida wanted a Starbucks drink as her treat. I suppose that means that I should get a treat for Christian sometime soon!
Everyone survived Easter. Even though we weren't together.
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