Exceedingly Abundantly Beyond

I haven't blogged for a while.  I'll be honest, it's because I've really been lonely and depressed.  Who wants to read about loneliness and depression!?  So, rather than whine and complain about what's wrong, I'll just give you an update on life in general. * My air conditioner broke in July.  Thankfully it hasn't been too hot this summer! It finally got fixed about a week ago.  I am planning to have the ducts cleaned this week, as well.  Hopefully, it will work even more efficiently after that!  * My washing machine also broke in July.  I did laundry at my parent's house or at my brother's house. Someone came right away, and did what he thought would fix it.  No such luck.  After a month of no washer, someone else came and did what he thought would fix it.  Still no luck.  The second repairman came back right away, when I realized it still wasn't working, and broke the news...  It's the motherboard. It would cost me a gra...

We have been home from camp almost a week.  And though I enjoyed it, it was a lot of work.  Christian did his own thing.  But it was up to me to get the little kids up in the morning and to class and to meals and to church in the evenings.   To make sure they were supervised when they were swimming.  To make sure they ate something other than dessert and soda for every meal in the cafeteria.   To make sure they didn't get lost in the dark. And it was up to me, after a long day, to get them to bed at night. It was a good week.  I'm glad that we went.  But It was exhausting... like a lot of things that I do with my little kids in tow.   A friend of mine approached me on the last day and commented that she believed there was something wrong.  She said I didn't seem to be acting like myself.  I assured her that what she had seen for the last week, was indeed my everyday life.   I told her that what she sees when I come to her house...

What a day!!  I can't say I'm sad it's over!  Happy Father's Day, Derick!  I hope you enjoyed FaceTime as much as I did!  And I hope you enjoyed "sitting with me" in church!  I look forward to that every Sunday! So this morning started with a series of emails and texts. (Actually that all started yesterday). Trying to find out who was riding their bike this afternoon at church. And trying to find a babysitter so that I could ride, too.  Since today was Father's Day, I struck out on the sitter.   I missed Derick so much this morning, getting ready for church.  I almost didn't want to go to church at all, but we made it.  My sister came over, just long enough for me to braid her hair this morning. And I cried on her shoulder for a few minutes.   When Derick first left, I used to tell my kids, our church wants to support us while Dad is gone.  So we're gonna go to church and we're gonna let them.  And they have, in so many ways!...

We did it!   We survived!   The 2013-2014 school year is officially in the books and all of my kids passed!   This year was the start of something new.  A totally new school.  The last thing I wanted to do when I knew Derick would be leaving in January.   But we made it!   It was a relatively calm school year, actually.  All three of the kids stopped going to the local Christian school and started in our public school district.  Christian technically went from being a middle school student, back to being an elementary school student, because of the way the grades are arranged.  Allyn switched teachers (away from his cousin and classmate) halfway through the first semester when a new kindergarten teacher was hired.  And Aida... well, she excelled, except when she would get teary from missing her daddy.   Last summer, I came to the realization that we could not afford private school anymore.  If I'm ...

I lost my wedding ring. Does that make me a bad wife?  I'm really hard on my ring.  I have bent it three different times.  After the third time, I took it off.  In order to keep it safe I put it in a cup.  Maybe that doesn't sound safe.  But I knew where it was and my kids couldn't reach the cup. Or so I thought... I came in the living room one day, several months ago to find the cup sitting on an end table in the living room... empty. I'm not sure there was an appropriate expletive for how I was feeling at that moment.   I was sick.  I basically had to turn my back and walk away.  If I didn't, someone was going to get hurt.  And I didn't figured it mattered too much who it was.  In my mind, everyone in that house was responsible for the missing ring.   It still has not been found and today I really missed having it.  It made me miss Derick!  He picked out the ring all by himself, before he was even sure I would say y...

Do you ever just know that God is calling you to something really big? And then you turn around and really blow it?  Or is that just me? My church is implementing a new ministry for single mothers.  Since I was a single mother at one time, I believe The Lord has asked me to get involved.  I can't consider myself a single mother now, because... well, I'm not.  My husband doesn't live here right now, but he still takes care of us.   Anyway, back to the point.  I have had people come to my house to help me clean recently.  Parts of my house have stayed clean.  Parts have suffered since the cleaning.  I get stressed and anxious when my house is messy.  I feel overwhelmed and paralyzed.  I take it out on the people around me.   But, I suppose those are just unimportant details. I yelled at my kids today.  Am I allowed to admit that?  I yelled.  Sunday, The Lord calls me.  Monday I yell at my kids.   *Lord, t...

Look who's home!   And look who's excited about it!   She's been here less than a day, but I can tell she's glad to be back!  She hardly left my side yesterday.  And been very obedient!  When she did get out, instead of making us chase her for half an hour, she just did a couple of laps and then came back in the house.  Really!? That's all ya got?  Well, all right, then... This is still a struggle for me.  It's no secret that I don't like dogs.  But she is rather endearing on her good days.  She is more like a child than I ever expected a dog to be.  She knows how to get on my good side, so that on the bad days, I don't totally wanna kill her!   I don't expect the extreme obedience to last forever.  But it was sure nice yesterday.  Especially when she went back in the house on her own!  It like when your child says, "I'm sorry mom! Whatever I did, I won't do it again! I'll be good, I promise!"  And then they...

Today was the day.  Today was it.  The first day of a commitment that I made to Derick last summer!  And it's a total let-down... Today Was the day that I planned to race in my first triathlon this season.  The Try Tri Triathlon at SIUE in Edwardsville, IL.  It was a short race.  150 yard swim (in an indoor pool!), 10 mile bike and 2 mile run.  I can do that.  I won't place, but I can do it.  And I could probably do it without walking.   Allyn came down with a fever on Friday night.  It didn't break until the middle of the night, last night.  But he is still coughing and snotty.  And Brody is coughing and snotty too.   So long, Try Tri... Maybe I'll see ya next time.  Actually, the race officials were very understanding.  Most race fees come with the disclaimer of "no refunds, no transfers".  Maybe that means transferring it to another person.  But, I emailed the last night and I am now registered ...

Lizzy's coming home.   *sigh* Derick's dog is coming home.   I don't even know what to write.  I got a phone call last night.  Her foster "mother" said that things weren't working out with Lizzy.  She said Lizzy wants to play with her dogs.  Her dogs are getting old and don't want to play.  Lizzy won't let up and it's causing fights between the dogs.   I have to admit, I had my reservations when we found a new home for her.  Not because of the family.  They are my friends and they are dog-lovers.  I knew that they would do their best to take care of her.  No, it was because of Lizzy's personality.  She has such a strong desire to be the Alpha.  I wasn't sure how it would work out with other dogs.   The problem is that this is a lose/lose situation.  Derick loves his dog and wants me to keep her.  I do not love the dog, nor do I want to keep her.  If I keep her and things continue the way they had b...

I skipped the gym today.  There is a spinning class that starts in 15 minutes that I had good intentions of going to.  *sigh*  I know all the right things to do while Derick is gone.  Its the actual "doing" part that trips me up! Is this a struggle for anyone else?  And its not just going to the gym, its every area of my life.     "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you."   I signed up to run a triathlon this summer.  I did it last year.  Signed up with a team and ended up running the whole thing by myself.  I didn't die, so why not do it again? I've had good intentions of signing up for about one a month while Derick is deployed.  But, so far, just one...  I really have a pretty good idea of what I need to do to train for it.  But there are some days that I just cannot force myself.   "The Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation." Any excuse is a good one, right?!  I'm ti...

It's 10:20 pm on Sunday night.  Today seemed to be a pretty good day, albeit long, with the time change.  Nothing in particular really set me off.  I went to church.  Went to a meeting about Bike Trip.  Went to a retirement party for my brother's father-in-law.  My sister's family came over and we had Avanti's for dinner.  I did my sister's hair. But when everyone started to leave, Aida and I both just went into meltdown mode. Aida cried herself to sleep tonight.  I just cried til everyone else went to sleep. Little things that make me feel like half a person.  And each thing builds on top of the previous thing.  Always being the driver, never the passenger.  Kids that don't listen to mom, and dad's not here to set 'em straight.  Not having someone to go to the grocery store for me, when I forgot to do it earlier in the day.  Kids messing with my sewing notions and leaving them all over the floor.  Being alone at nigh...

I  took my kids bowling last night. I was really feeling Derick's absence.  The kids were glued to the TV. And when they were in between shows, they were arguing and fighting.  We had to get out of the house! So when Aida asked if we could do something fun, I looked up the Christian Center Bowling Alley. Wouldn't ya know, kids are $1.50/game and $1 for shoes. I can swing that. And the bonus... The place was almost empty! No one for my kids to distract and annoy! Here are a few highlights.  Aida posing for the camera. Trying to look good so I can send the pic to daddy! She was the only one truly concerned about the score.  She got a couple of spares and one strike but was still unhappy when Allyn beat her in the end.  Christian checking out the score board. He lost to me by only one point, with a score of 104... With bumpers! Oh, yeah! Watching Allyn run towards the lane and literally fling the ball at the pins! Always turning away with a grin and a high-fiv...

I spilled my water during church today.  Of course, it sinks in and runs down the crack in the back of the seat.  Suddenly, I see my friends leaping up so as to avoid the cold running toward their backsides.  I was so embarassed!  Involuntarily, the the tears started to flow. But, let me back up.  I have a 4 year old son, named Brody.  He is the only one of my children that I would actually label as clingy.  I've never had an issue putting my kids in babysitting for a Bible Study, or taking them to Sunday School.  They don't cry when they spend the night at grandma's house, or even a friend's house, for that matter.  And the first day of school is exciting, not dreadful! That is, until I had Brody... When Brody came along, everything changed.  Including how sympathetic I am to tears at my departure.  Once upon a time, Derick and I would take him to Sunday School together.  We'd open the door, throw him at the teacher and ...