I Blew It Today

Do you ever just know that God is calling you to something really big? And then you turn around and really blow it? 

Or is that just me?

My church is implementing a new ministry for single mothers.  Since I was a single mother at one time, I believe The Lord has asked me to get involved.  I can't consider myself a single mother now, because... well, I'm not.  My husband doesn't live here right now, but he still takes care of us.  

Anyway, back to the point.  I have had people come to my house to help me clean recently.  Parts of my house have stayed clean.  Parts have suffered since the cleaning.  I get stressed and anxious when my house is messy.  I feel overwhelmed and paralyzed.  I take it out on the people around me.  

But, I suppose those are just unimportant details.

I yelled at my kids today.  Am I allowed to admit that?  I yelled.  Sunday, The Lord calls me.  Monday I yell at my kids.  

*Lord, this isn't supposed to happen.*

We have this misconception that once The Lord calls us to a specific purpose, we should magically be perfect.  Our Christian life, suddenly, is in order.  I have a servant-leader husband.  I am a gentle, quiet, submissive wife.  My husband and I suddenly have great insight and wisdom concerning all-things-spiritual.  We have godly and obedient kids.  My house is clean all the time.  We eat home cooked meals at the table every night.  After which, the kids recite bible verses and we all sing kumbya in a 6 part harmony.  Then we have a time of intercession.  The kitchen magically cleans itself.  And the kids are in bed, light out and sleeping soundly by 8:00 sharp.

So this is what really happened... We had a Girl Scout pizza party and baseball practice tonight.  

Brody got in trouble because he refused to come into the party and, unfortunately, DCFS frowns on leaving 4-year-olds in the car alone for an hour.  

Aida got in trouble for her sense of entitlement.  Apparently, saying please while snatching things from your brothers is the same as asking politely.  

Christian got in trouble because he made a big mess looking for his ball glove and didn't clean it up.  (The glove was right where I said it would be.)

Allyn got in trouble because I had to tell him 3 times to stop playing and oput the Nerf guns away and he still had no intention of obeying.  Sometimes I wonder if he is really, actually hard of hearing...

We at McDonald's for dinner.  We did not read a book or pray together.  (Or sing kumbya). They didn't even brush their teeth.  The night ended with me say, "Just go to bed."  And now I'm drinking a beer alone.  

Last week at Bible study I was reminded of Romans 7 and 8. 

This is how I feel after a day like today:

Romans 7:18-20 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 

I am defeated.  Nothing good lives in me.  I wanna do good but I can't.  Instead I sin.  Oh, woe is me...

Fortunately, this is in the next chapter:

Romans 8:1-2 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.  

Or put another way:

1 Corinthians 15:56-57 The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Jesus gives me the victory.  And because I find my identity in Christ, there is no condemnation.  

Does that take away the fact that I sinned tonight? 

No. 

Do I owe my kids an apology for speaking to them in anger?

Well, yeah. 

But, the good news is God doesn't hold that against me.  He's not keeping a tally of how many times I blew it today.  His mercies are new every morning.  His son died for me.  I accepted his forgiveness a long time ago.  

Lamentations 3:23-24 Great is his faithfulness;his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;therefore, I will hope in him!” 

So, back to the calling.  Does tonight disqualify me from the call of God?

Absolutely not!

He didn't call me because my life is perfect and I've got it all together and I have wisdom beyond my years.  He called me because I don't have those things.  He called me because I need him daily.  I get wisdom and strength from Him.  

I think that Romans 8:28 is one of the most over-used, misquoted verses in the Bible.  However, the King James Version is fitting here.  

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 

Did you see the extra word in there? 

To them who are THE called.  Not just called, but THE called.  

The called - the people that he has asked to do something special.  The Called.  

I have been called.  I know that I have.  God can use me, in spite of my flaws.  I can even rejoice in my flaws, because that's when His strength is most evident in me.