Do the Right Thing

I skipped the gym today.  There is a spinning class that starts in 15 minutes that I had good intentions of going to.  *sigh*  I know all the right things to do while Derick is gone.  Its the actual "doing" part that trips me up!

Is this a struggle for anyone else?  And its not just going to the gym, its every area of my life.   

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." 

I signed up to run a triathlon this summer.  I did it last year.  Signed up with a team and ended up running the whole thing by myself.  I didn't die, so why not do it again?

I've had good intentions of signing up for about one a month while Derick is deployed.  But, so far, just one...  I really have a pretty good idea of what I need to do to train for it.  But there are some days that I just cannot force myself.  

"The Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation."

Any excuse is a good one, right?!  I'm tired of leaving my kids at home alone while I go to the gym.  I have work that needs to be done around the house.  I have a client coming and I won't have time to shower.  Race entry fees are expensive.  Equipment is really expensive!

And a million other useless reasons not to do something.  

My husband and I have wanted to move to Tremont for years.  But there has always been a reason, some excuse why we can't do it right now.  

I whine and complain all the time, about how messy my house is.  But, there is a never-ending string of excuses when it doesn't get cleaned up. 

Derick and I live on a very tight budget.  Can't ever seem to get ahead.  But there's always a good reason for it...

My kids are lazy and don't want to help around the house.  But, that can't be my fault... 

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for The Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Having all these excuses is exhausting.  Depressing, even.  That's what it comes down to.  Depression.  My unwanted companion these many years.  It whispers to me when I am at my weakest.

Depression tells the that I'm tired.

It keeps me feeling empty.

It gives me every reason in the book, why I can't keep up with the mess that is my house.  

It tells me that I can't go to the gym today.  That I'd better just stay in bed... because it already convinced me that I'm tired. 

It whispers in my ear that its impossible to speak to my children in a kind voice when they've pushed me to my limits.  

It even goes so far as to suggest that God isn't big enough to handle my struggles.  As if my struggles are somehow more special, more significant than the struggles of any other wife and mother on the planet.  

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think..."

My problems are not special.  My struggles are not unique.  

I have thought about medication.  Have even been prescribed medication.  

(Personally, I think that mental illness, including depression is a real, chemical imbalance, and if you and your doctor decide that it needs to be treated with medication, more power to you!)

I also know that good food and exercise and a deliberate, daily time with Jesus has helped me to be more stable in the past.  So, I did not use the prescription that was given to me.  

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him."

I am helped.  I am.  Right now!

"I lift my eyes to the hill.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from The Lord, who made heaven and earth."

Why is it easier to be depressed than to trust The Lord.  

Maybe because I'm used to the pain that depression brings.  And, even though change is painful too, that pain is unknown.  And the unknown is scary.  

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I well strengthen you, I will help you, I will up hold you with my righteous right hand."

Fear not!

Do not be afraid!

I will help you!  I will hold you up with my right hand!

I don't have pictures of the sunrise.  But I like this one of the sun setting on the beach in Gulfport, MS.  

And, of course, I love this one of the last time I saw Derick.

*James 4:8a

*Exodus 15:2a

*Joshua 1:9

*Ephesians 3:20a

*Psalm 28:7

*Psalm 121:1-2

*Isaiah 41:10