Puppy Love

I'm not a dog person.  I have never been a dog person.  Somehow 6 years ago, Derick convinced me to get a dog.  And somehow that dog likes me best.  Then, 5 years later, we brought this tiny puppy home, thanks to my sister. 

I am posting these pictures because it is so rare that I can snuggle my puppy!  Holding him and trying to snuggle is like trying to snuggle a 5 year old while walking through Disney World.  It's just not happening!

I am also posting these because this puppy is comforting to me!  Today was a rough day.  This week was a rough week.  There were heartaches and disappointments and tough decisions to be made.  And a year ago, God knew that this puppy would be a comfort to me!

Sometimes, it is impossible to put into words what it is that makes deployment so hard.  Honestly, it really isn't trying to do life without Derick here.  Derick leaves for training on a regular basis.  Anywhere from 5 days to 2 weeks is normal.  Sometimes 3 or 4 weeks.  I'm used to juggling a job and a schedule and decision making while he is away.

It's not hard sitting down with only 4 other people at dinner instead of 5.  

It's not even hard crawling into a cold bed at night.  

Going to the grocery store at inconvenient times is irritating and burdensome but not hard. 

Taking the dogs outside at 5am every morning isn't hard, it's exhausting.

No, what makes deployment so hard... or any separation for that matter, is the feeling that no one cares.  No one is here to cheer me on.  There's no one in my corner.

I know I have friends.  I know I have family.  I know that they love me and they would do anything for me!  They have demonstrated that over and over again!

But, if I spend time cooking a good meal, there's no one here to tell me how delicious it is.

If I dress up for church, there's no one to tell me that I look beautiful.

If I clean up the kitchen and wash all the dishes, there's no one to notice that I worked hard today.

If I have a hard day at work, there's no shoulder for me to cry on when I get home.

If I want to lose weight and work at getting stronger, there is no one here to tell me I can do it. Worse, there is no one here to work at it with me.

No one to notice when the pretty dress in the back of the closet fits. 

No one to notice when I can run 2 miles now instead of one.

No one to notice when I do push-ups on my toes instead of my knees.

No companion.

No cheerleader.

There isn't really a point to this post.  When people ask how things are going, the answer is always good.  Things are good.  Emotions are not always good.  The tears are almost always just below the surface, no matter how wide the smile is.  And not because I am sad.  

Just lonely...

I know all the things that people could say.  Let God be your comfort.  He heals the broken-hearted.  He gives strength to the weary.  I know that Jesus loves me.  

But tonight He gave me a puppy.  And my puppy let me cuddle.  And somehow that brought a little comfort to my aching heart tonight.