Exceedingly Abundantly Beyond

I had a meltdown tonight.   I started crying and I just couldn't stop.  In front of my kids... Texting to my mom... Wishing it would stop... Wishing I could go to bed for the night.   I feel better now.  I'm sitting in the living room listening to my kids play Uno in the kitchen.  It's rather peaceful.  But an hour ago it wasn't.  I bawled in the living room while Aida told me all the ways I'm so wonderful, Christian tried to distract me with a rousing game of "Go Fish" and the little boys duked it out with curtain rods in the driveway. I have a hard time moving forward when I start to feel overwhelmed and depressed.  And by "hard time" I mean "totally paralyzed".  I know that I need to do things.  I may even know specifically what needs to be done.  But I cannot force myself to do it.   Today my mom and I cleaned in my living room so that it can be painted.  I have been hoping (dare I say counting on) some outside help to...

A while back I decided to make a quilt for Derick. Let me back up... April 1, Derick left the United States, heading to Afghanistan.  He was required to bring his sleeping bag.  On his last deployment, he used his sleeping bag every night.   After he arrived and got settled in, he told me that he had purchased cheap bedding from the closest Exchange to use on his bed.  He said he had a real bed, not just a cot.  And he would like for me to send him something better.    We shopped on Amazon together.   As an aside, it was actually a quite enjoyable way to shop together.  I hate shopping.  I hate making decisions.  But, it was fun browsing the same website, but different items.  It was great being able to send links back and forth to see.  I highly recommend it for people that don't enjoy going to the mall. Anyway, we shopped on Amazon together.  I ordered what I thought he would like and had it shipped directly to him....

I haven't blogged for a while.  I'll be honest, it's because I've really been lonely and depressed.  Who wants to read about loneliness and depression!?  So, rather than whine and complain about what's wrong, I'll just give you an update on life in general. * My air conditioner broke in July.  Thankfully it hasn't been too hot this summer! It finally got fixed about a week ago.  I am planning to have the ducts cleaned this week, as well.  Hopefully, it will work even more efficiently after that!  * My washing machine also broke in July.  I did laundry at my parent's house or at my brother's house. Someone came right away, and did what he thought would fix it.  No such luck.  After a month of no washer, someone else came and did what he thought would fix it.  Still no luck.  The second repairman came back right away, when I realized it still wasn't working, and broke the news...  It's the motherboard. It would cost me a gra...

We have been home from camp almost a week.  And though I enjoyed it, it was a lot of work.  Christian did his own thing.  But it was up to me to get the little kids up in the morning and to class and to meals and to church in the evenings.   To make sure they were supervised when they were swimming.  To make sure they ate something other than dessert and soda for every meal in the cafeteria.   To make sure they didn't get lost in the dark. And it was up to me, after a long day, to get them to bed at night. It was a good week.  I'm glad that we went.  But It was exhausting... like a lot of things that I do with my little kids in tow.   A friend of mine approached me on the last day and commented that she believed there was something wrong.  She said I didn't seem to be acting like myself.  I assured her that what she had seen for the last week, was indeed my everyday life.   I told her that what she sees when I come to her house...

It's been a while since I have posted a blog.  And frankly, the reason I haven't posted is because I don't like whiners.  I don't like my kids to whine.  I don't like listening to other people whine. I don't like reading whiny blog posts.   So, I just decided, rather that succumb to my own pet peeve, I just wouldn't post at all.   I've been worn out and spread thin. I am at church camp this week.  I came in hopes of finding rest and refreshment in Jesus.   Matthew 11:28 - Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Last weekend, Thursday through Sunday, was the bike trip that I talked about.  300 miles through Illinois, Indiana and Michigan on our bikes, all to get to the beach!  And it was worth every hill climb, every aching backside, every mosquito bite! It was cornfields.  It was woods and streams.  It was broken down houses, grown up in weeds.   It was busy highways and secluded bike trai...

I had a photoshoot a few nights ago.  My good friends Jeremy and Kristie Sparling have a photography business in Peoria, called Image Innovations or Imagei. Jeremy has been shooting in the studio for over 20 years.  And he always does a fantastic job. Derick and I love cycling.  We love cycling * together *.  We can ride for miles at a time, getting exercise and spending real quality time together.  Unlike running, we can talk for 90% of a bike ride.  During a run we probably talk about 30% of the time.  We love to be active together!  And biking is our favorite!  My church sponsors a fun ride every summer.  (I use the term fun loosely.)  It used to be from church to church camp.  But church camp is no longer within riding distance, at least not a 3 1/2 day distance.  Now it is from church to Lake Michigan.  Northfield Christian Fellowship in Tremont, IL to Warren Dunes State Park in Michigan, to be exact.  3 1/...

I have nothing to write about.   Hmm...  I've been having a tough time lately.  So, I thought I'd blog about it.  Ya know... air my dirty laundry and all.  Everyone loves a nice, depressing blog.  I think it makes people feel better about their own lives to see someone else struggling.  Or maybe  we just crave honesty sometimes. Well, gather 'round and get a good look!   I'll be honest, I've been struggling... I miss Derick so much it hurts!   I miss waking up early to go make coffee for us in the morning. I miss his arms around my waist and a kiss on my neck when he gets home from work, as I stand at the stove making dinner. I miss the bed being warm. I miss going to the grocery store without having to give a list of instructions for the kids while I'm gone, just to make sure the house will still be standing and all the kids will still be alive when I return.   Actually, I miss just sending him to the store so I don't have to go. ...

Some of you may have read my post about my tattoo.  Here is an extended version of why I got a tattoo and what it means to me.  I hope you enjoy it! Update July 12, 2014 - Since the embedded video isn't working on mobile devices, here is a link to watch it on YouTube.  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FDyc0FqxpAA Sorry about that!

There are people coming to my house today.  People coming to do an assessment, of sorts.  They are going to tell me what needs to be done in order to sell my house.  And then report their findings back to the church.   I mentioned a couple of days ago that my church has been very supportive of my family since Derick left.  We were proactive about making our needs known before this deployment.  The last time Derick was deployed, I was extremely lonely and depressed.  It was a combination of postpartum emotions, deployment emotions, and then spending all of the holidays alone with very little kids.  Not something I ever care to repeat.  So, before Derick left, we went to talk to one of the pastors and just explained to him what life is like for the family of a deployed service member, and how the church could help.   They have really stepped up to the plate!  I thank God every Sunday for our church.  My kids sometimes whine about...

What a day!!  I can't say I'm sad it's over!  Happy Father's Day, Derick!  I hope you enjoyed FaceTime as much as I did!  And I hope you enjoyed "sitting with me" in church!  I look forward to that every Sunday! So this morning started with a series of emails and texts. (Actually that all started yesterday). Trying to find out who was riding their bike this afternoon at church. And trying to find a babysitter so that I could ride, too.  Since today was Father's Day, I struck out on the sitter.   I missed Derick so much this morning, getting ready for church.  I almost didn't want to go to church at all, but we made it.  My sister came over, just long enough for me to braid her hair this morning. And I cried on her shoulder for a few minutes.   When Derick first left, I used to tell my kids, our church wants to support us while Dad is gone.  So we're gonna go to church and we're gonna let them.  And they have, in so many ways!...

My Navy Wife coffee mug broke this morning.  I suppose it was my fault.  I didn't want to get off the couch so I asked Aida to fill my cup for me.  Groggy, sleepy Aida.   As soon as she walked to the kitchen I heard the cup fall to the floor.  I just sat there for a minute because I knew what happened.  My newest addition to my Navy mug collection, now with no handle.  In the trash.  And to add insult to injury, last night while trying on clothes at Kohl's, I noticed that my black Navy bracelet is missing from my arm.  The bracelet that my sister-in-law got me for Christmas, to wear while Derick is away.   I've lost a little weight since Derick left.  And I think it's all coming off of my upper body.  Including my wrists.   I think I lost the bracelet at Culver's. I took my kids my kids there for an early dinner.  Because, I was feeling lazy about cooking.  Aida was cold.  Of course, trying to be the good mo...

We did it!   We survived!   The 2013-2014 school year is officially in the books and all of my kids passed!   This year was the start of something new.  A totally new school.  The last thing I wanted to do when I knew Derick would be leaving in January.   But we made it!   It was a relatively calm school year, actually.  All three of the kids stopped going to the local Christian school and started in our public school district.  Christian technically went from being a middle school student, back to being an elementary school student, because of the way the grades are arranged.  Allyn switched teachers (away from his cousin and classmate) halfway through the first semester when a new kindergarten teacher was hired.  And Aida... well, she excelled, except when she would get teary from missing her daddy.   Last summer, I came to the realization that we could not afford private school anymore.  If I'm ...